Day 10 – I let go. I don’t wish to know.

Day 10 – Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I feel the need to write tonight, so the ‘or’ in today’s title shall not make me pick which of the above to write about.

 

You can convince your head that letting go is what you need to do but the heart is a little more stubborn than that.

 

Someone I need to let go:

There’s no point in wishing I didn’t know you, I’m glad I did. I’ve let go of you in one sense as you’re no longer in my life. Now though, I need to let the idea of you existing as a person go because of that very reason: you’re no longer in my life. I wouldn’t change how things played out, you became a great friend to me when I needed one most. You taught me a lot and helped my deteriorating eyes see with clarity for the first time. I just wish I didn’t see you around though, it would make the fact that you’re no longer here a little easier. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ like the old cliché goes. And ‘out of mind’ would help because whenever you’re ‘in mind’ it’s just a reminder of how wrong everything can be.

 

Someone I wish I didn’t know:

I just wish I didn’t put too much trust in you and didn’t open myself up to you as much as I did. Why? Because with that comes unintentional expectations and consequential hope; hope that I could lean on you and hope that you’d help heal the seeping scars. Looking back I see that maybe you might have tried your best or maybe you just didn’t know how to deal with something so fragile. The only other ‘maybe’ that might exist would be that maybe you just didn’t care enough; id probably think this if I was talking about any of my other friends, but I cant allow myself to think this with you. Regardless, at that time I needed a friend, a real one like you. You were here, but where were you really?

Truth be told, it’s not that I wish I didn’t know you at all in any form; more like I wish I didn’t know the you that knows the me which I don’t show to everyone else; the open me. Why? Because open me is vulnerable me.

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2 Responses to Day 10 – I let go. I don’t wish to know.

  1. Future4fina says:

    Out of sight, out of mind is a great catalyst into recovery, love.

    Your words are beautiful. I think we can all relate. There is always someone in our lives that we wish would vanish for our own good. It would certainly make life easier…but would it be as beautiful? That’s what I ask myself when I have these thoughts.

    Love your post ❤

    -Fina

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